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YOUTH MINISTRY
Being Transparent
by Lex Horton
A primary key to motivating a young learner is relating what we teach to real life. (In essence, if it has meaning in my life, I am more likely to be interested, to want to know more, and to remember what I have been taught.) One way of assuring that what we teach corresponds with the actual experiences of teenagers is to share personal stories or to “be transparent.”
No one is fully and completely self-sufficient. Each of us has made mistakes, and none of us is or ever will be perfect. Although some disagree, revealing when we have experienced pain, failure, fear, or isolation is not a weakness. On the contrary, one sign of inner personal strength is the ability and willingness to be transparent by opening ourselves to sharing personal stories with others.
Young people know a “fake” when they see one, yet they can also spot an authentic, genuine person, too. Those privileged to work with teenagers are often viewed as sincere and caring when we are willing to be transparent and to share our stories with youth. In doing so, we are often perceived as identifying better with their life situation(s).
When we share a personal story that is appropriate for the moment, we are providing a tangible example of the concept we are teaching. By sharing personal examples we help young people to find meaning in a particular idea we’re teaching and to translate that meaning into their own experiences.
It is a well-documented fact that knowing others have experienced similar feelings or occurrences can be very powerful for a hurting and confused young person. Our being transparent could provide a teenager with the courage to talk about her problems and fears. Indeed, a young person may never mention it, but he just might realize that there are caring adults strong enough to be honest about their difficulties.
When it comes to sharing our personal stories, how much is too much? Is there a way to gauge beforehand what might be too much information for a group of teens to handle? One general rule of thumb is to ask ourselves whether we have worked through an experience adequately. If not, it’s probably a good idea to wait before we share it with youth. Otherwise we run the risk of unloading on them in an inappropriate manner.
The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes has always been a helpful guide because it reminds us that there is a time and place for everything (see 3:1-11). The key, of course, is determining the right time and place for sharing personal stories. As is the case with everything we do when teaching young people, it’s essential to keep the needs of the audience squarely in mind. Dealing with some important questions can help us maintain our focus on young people instead of our need to tell our story. For example:
• How does sharing a personal story correlate with the lesson’s focal point(s)?
• How “connected” to you does your group feel? What kind of relationship do you have with your youth beyond the teaching/learning environment?
• Is your group primarily younger, older, or an even mix of both? (Some younger youth may not be quite ready to deal with certain matters of life.)
In the end, being honest about our struggles can pay dividends beyond our imagination: a note in the mail a few months later, a phone call years down the road, an adult who thanks us for the honesty and openness we exhibited when he or she was a teenager. These sorts of incidents serve as ample reward for the effort we put into sharing with youth the appropriate aspects of our personal stories.
Lex Horton is editor of Intersection and lives in Macon, Georgia with his wife and three children. Although he has over twenty years of youth ministry experience in full-time, part-time, and volunteer capacities, he is about to enter uncharted territory as a parent of a teenager.
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