CHILDREN'S MINISTRY
Mommy, Don't Leave Me
Dealing with Separation Anxiety
by Max Price
Two-year-old Jackson clung to his mother and cried loudly when she brought him into the classroom. He cried continually for fifteen minutes. Jackson became distracted briefly by the toys and let a teacher hold him. He played for five minutes, then began to call pitifully for his mommy.
Six-year-old Madeleine brings her favorite stuffed animal with her every Sunday. Each morning Madeleine tells her mother that she doesn’t want to go to class and that she wants to go to her mother’s class. She sits close to her favorite teacher and seldom participates in any class activity. Madeleine complains that her tummy hurts or that her head hurts.
Separation anxiety is a common response when young children are in a new setting away from the primary parent, usually the mother. Most children become accustomed to an inviting room with children’s toys and friendly teachers within two to four visits, but some children have continuing anxiety responses for weeks. What do you do?
Jackson’s teachers consulted with his parents. They were told that Jackson had had a negative experience in day care and had become cautious about new situations. His mother’s work hours had changed recently and she worked late two nights a week.
Together, they decided to use positive attention and distraction along with desensitization time. Jackson’s mother stayed in the classroom forty minutes the next Sunday. She sat in a chair as an observer and watched the teachers lead the class. Jackson stayed close to his mother at first; gradually he began to play in the kitchen section. At the end of forty minutes, Mom told Jackson, “Good-bye, son. I will be back in this long (hands one foot apart).” She left the room and came back in fifteen minutes at the end of class.
This pattern was repeated the next week, except his mother only stayed twenty minutes and then left. On the third Sunday, Jackson brought a bag with his favorite stuffed animals and his security blanket. The teacher had Jackson show her his bag and they began to play together. Mother said good-bye to Jackson. Jackson cried briefly when she left but only for two minutes. His teacher distracted him with a new toy. During class Jackson asked for his mother. The teacher took a play phone and pretended that the mother was on the line: “Jackson, it’s Mommy. She wants to talk to you.” Jackson took the phone and had a brief pretend phone conversation. He repeated this telephone game several times. After that Jackson’s separation anxiety was manageable, except on a Sunday when his mother was sick and a family friend brought Jackson to the classroom.
For six-year-old Madeleine, a teacher-parent conversation revealed that Madeleine’s family had moved recently and she had changed schools at the end of the first semester. Madeleine had become attached to her first-grade teacher, Mrs. Horton. She was having a hard time adjusting to a new teacher and to making friends in the new community.
The teacher and parents came up with a workable plan for Madeleine. The next Sunday, Madeleine was encouraged to draw a picture for Mrs. Horton, and the teacher helped Madeleine print a letter for Mrs. Horton. Madeleine’s mother mailed the letter the next day. The teachers encouraged Madeleine to sit close to her favorite Sunday school teacher and to be in her small group. She was encouraged to bring pictures and favorite toys to church to show her teachers and classmates. Madeleine’s mother stayed in class for a ten-minute sharing. The goal was to bring some comforting items from home to make her more comfortable at church. After a show-and-tell time, these items were placed on a shelf. Madeleine’s classmates showed more interest in her and the teacher complimented the children for making friends with her. Her somatic “I feel sick” complaints stopped after three weeks.
By B. Max Price, from Help! I Teach Children's Sunday School.
To order Help! I Teach Children’s Sunday School from Smyth & Helwys Publishing at
1-800-747-3016 or online at www.helwys.com.
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