CHILDREN'S MINISTRY
Give Your Children the Gift of Church
by Lynn P. Clayton
The sadness of his expression and voice made me want to give him a hug of comfort. He had been going on and on about his two grown children. He beamed as he told me about their vocational accomplishments, mates, and children. He was proud of his children and proud of the job he and his wife did raising them. Then his eyes dropped in thought, and he said, "But they don’t go to church like I want them to—like they should." What he meant was, they do not go at all. "I wish it were different; I wish I had done something differently."
There is no perfect, sure-fire vaccination against this tragedy. There is no guarantee against the children of even the finest, most church-active parents forsaking their churches, and even their faith. That can happen to anyone’s children. People constantly quote, "Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." But that is a statement of the ideal, not an absolute promise. If it were an absolute promise, it would work every time. A lot of folks will say, "Well, to us, they may look like they raised that child right, but we don’t know what they really taught him." Rather than looking for excuses of why the promise did not work, let’s acknowledge that any time human will is involved, there is the chance a person will not choose the right and best way.
But parents can give their children a wonderful gift the children will appreciate when they are older. I have watched families in their interaction with the church for half a century, and it seems some parents impart an attitude that helps their children develop an ongoing, meaningful, involved relationship with their church. Some parents give their children the wonderful gift of always speaking well of the church and its staff. The children see their parents’ priority of participating in the activities of the church, and they hear their parents talk joyfully of supporting the church financially. The old cliché is true: "Religion is caught more than taught."
Most parents want their children to be just a little more active in church than they are, their children’s faith to be a little stronger than theirs is, and their moral behavior to be better than theirs was growing up. But many of these same parents maintain minimal commitment to the church. Conversation about the church around the house is, "Well, they can talk about tithing all they want, and that’s fine for people who can afford it, but there is no way we are going to give 10 percent to the church. They waste too much money, anyway." These parents put their money where their mouth is and give their children a dollar or less to put into their offering envelopes. When revivals or other special activities roll around, the parents may go and take their children—on those times when absolutely nothing else interferes. But if anything else—anything—comes up, the church activity is left to fend for itself.
Through all of this, the kids understand clearly what their parents are saying: Church, and therefore its teachings, is a take-it-or-leave-it proposition. The children come to understand that religion and church are optional. It ranks pretty well at the bottom of obligations. They come to the conclusion that the church represents faith and moral behavior, so if church is an option in a cafeteria-style world, then what it stands for and teaches is optional. Church is just another nice organization, but it is not necessary. It is little wonder that when these children get older, church is often discarded as the offspring discover the importance of working, recreating, or just plain sleeping late.
I have not undertaken any kind of scientific study, but it seems when parents demonstrate minimal commitment to the church, their children give even less commitment than did their parents. Usually and tragically, the children drift further away from the church and Christ.
When I was a youth minister, a family in the church had two sons in our group. The older was an outstanding young man. He found great fulfillment in his relationship with Christ, and his participation in our youth activities became more and more important to him. His parents did not understand his participation. They were fine, outstanding community leaders, but only "Sunday morning members." One Saturday morning the older son was getting ready to participate in a work day at the mission building. He was skipping an activity of an important club to do mission work. His mother was less than pleased and said sternly, "Everything that goes on in the world does not go on at _____" —and she gave the address of the church.
But parents with minimal commitment to the activities of the church are not the only ones who may be discouraging their kids in matters of faith. Some parents who have their families at every meeting announced in the church newsletter make a major mistake in demonstrating a poor attitude toward church. These parents serve on committees and help with endless tasks, but they constantly vent frustration and discontentment and even anger about the church in the presence of their children. They criticize the pastor and church leadership. They rewrite the verse that says "Be thankful for everything" to "Gripe and complain about everything." These parents would be wise to realize what they are teaching their children with this kind of behavior. They would also be wise to understand that this kind of behavior likely will bring disappointment with their children’s relationship to the church down the road.
There is something extraordinarily difficult about passing on a mild case of religion: mild cases usually prove to be vaccinations that prevent a strong case of the real thing. One thing for sure, I’ve never heard of anyone willing to die for a mild case of religion! It is extremely difficult to pass on a positive attitude toward the church when the atmosphere around the house is strongly negative toward the church.
There has never been a better statement about parental responsibility concerning religion than the following passage found in Deuteronomy. It contains one of the greatest gifts you can give your children—the example of a vibrant, committed faith.
Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
When the Lord your God has brought you into the land that he swore to your ancestors, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you—a land with fine, large cities that you did not build, houses filled with all sorts of goods that you did not fill, hewn cisterns that you did not hew, vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant—and when you have eaten your fill, take care that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. The Lord your God you shall fear; him you shall serve, and by his name alone you shall swear. . . .
When your children ask you in time to come, “What is the meaning of the decrees and the statutes and the ordinances that the Lord our God has commanded you?” then you shall say to your children, “We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. . . . Then the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our lasting good, so as to keep us alive, as is now the case.” (6:4-13, 20, 21, 24)
I listened to my dad preach from the pulpit in the church and then watched him live out his preaching during the week. I watched as he and Mother carefully laid aside their tithe every week. I heard their prayers. I heard them thank God for every sign of spiritual progress of church members, family, and friends. They always explained their love for the church. "If you love Christ, you will love his bride." They believed and lived out their belief that the church was not just an option; it was a necessity. Occasionally, when my Dad said I was going to do something, or refrain from doing something, I would say, "If I wasn’t a preacher’s kid, I would(n’t) have to do this." My father always said with understanding, "Lynn, you are doing this because you are a preacher’s kid. You are doing it because it is right, and you are doing it because you are a Christian."
I interviewed a wonderful young man who hit the game-winning home run in the College Baseball World Series in 1996. He was personable, polite, and humble. I watched him grow up in church and then watched as he maintained his Christian witness as a sports hero. In explaining his faith, he said, "Church was never an option in my home. If there was church, we knew where we would be." What a great testimony.
May all parents give their children the gift of speaking well of the church, supporting its causes, and attending its meetings.
From 10 Gifts Your Children Will Grow to Appreciate.
To order 10 Gifts Your Children Will Grow to Appreciate from Smyth & Helwys Publishing at 1-800-747-3016 or online at www.helwys.com.
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