by Rachel Veal

She stands in my doorway every morning, not wanting to wait with the other students for school to start. When the bell does ring, she still thinks the rules do not apply to her. Hang up your book bag, stand for the pledge, use the materials at your seat to build your own project. Every request is dismissed as if it were directed to the rest of the class and not her. She is difficult for me to deal with sometimes; nevertheless, Jesus says “let the children come.”

I often wonder what all Jesus taught those children that day. Did He have a child among them who was hard to deal with? Surely He has among us. How did He handle them, how does He handle us? We might casually offer the answer—He loves us. And it’s true.

We know that simply accepting difficult behavior isn’t productive…nor is noticing every tiny misdeed and turning it into a battle. Just as we adults respond to other people’s actions and reactions to us, so do children respond to ours toward them. Most children want to please, to be accepted and told how special they are. They seek approval and attention from those around them, especially central figures in their lives like Sunday school teachers. Children deeply need for us to let them know when and why their behavior is inappropriate and when and why it is good.

I have learned in my work with children that love is sometimes tough. But it is always patient and always kind; it offers consistency and consequences. It is in this elbow grease of putting it into motion that love changes our hearts and the hearts of those who receive it.

I can’t offer examples for every negative behavior or frustrating quality that we encounter, so I have tried to categorize the most frequent behaviors. Please feel free to think of your own ministry setting and how you may apply the love of Christ in those situations. Love is lived out in our responses to bumps and mishaps and the unexpected. It is an adventure we choose to take when we choose Christ and again when we choose to follow His call into children’s ministry.

The Mouth

“I don’t want to!”

“My Mommy says I don’t have to.”

“No!”

“How come he gets to do it?”

All comment I’ve heard in response to a directive I’ve given in my classroom and ministry. We might want to respond with something like, “Ya’ll do it anyway!” or “Your mommy’s not here.” But we have to remember we are the adults. I’ve found in situations like this it is best to pull The Mouth aside (after the others are content in an activity) for a talk. You might ask her why she doesn’t want to participate. Ask her why she’s angry. She may have an apprehension that you can help her work out.

Still, her mouth might just be getting the best of her. In this case, her behavior is wrong, and she need a consequence to match her actions. For example, if she says she doesn’t want to do an activity, she doesn’t have to. She may sit quietly to the side of the class during that activity, but she may not interrupt or distract the children who do wish to participate. If the obstinate behavior persists, a simple conversation with the parent might help to curb the negative behavior or at least help you discover the cause of the problem.

The Fighter
Fists balled up, face scrunched into the same position, he bucks his chest out and screams, “Punk!” before throwing his first punch. It is a daily occurrence set off by the changing direction of the wind. There’s often no reasoning with a child who loses control. Still, we have to do something to contain the behavior. Often, I will remove this child to another room where he can be supervised and let him cool off. I’ll check on the other child and continue about my business for a few minutes before checking back in. This is when we can talk—find out why he was fighting and discuss the consequences of fighting. Be sure to alert parents to aggressive or dangerous behavior in their child.

The Cyclone
We are all at the table painting, or maybe on the carpet listening to a story. She is playing in the sink one minute, the next she is spinning around the room in circles. Her body must be in constant motion or she will cease to be. To help a child like this gain control of herself, direct her to simple tasks that can be accomplished in small increments of time.  Another solution might be to offer a movement activity before the lesson starts to help the child get the wiggles out of her system. Or you could offer this activity at the end of the lesson contingent upon the children’s behavior during your teaching time. If the child moves around wildly during the lesson, she does not get to participate.

The Loner
Everyone is excited about the activity…all but one. He sits quietly, even sullenly. This is his first morning with us in about three Sundays. Occasionally a smile will flash across his face, but it lingers longer in my memory than around the corners of his mouth. Often I try to talk to this child one-on-one. Then, I’ll bring in another child to play with us. Eventually he may warm up—even if only to one person.

Perhaps talk with his parents to find out if this is typical behavior, or if something might be intimidating or bothering him. Make an effort to find out his special interests and talents. Does he like to draw? Find a way to incorporate his talents in the class. Don’t forget, some people like a lot of alone time by nature. Continue to gently and gradually encourage friendships.

For whatever reason, there are traits in other people that go against our grain or maybe even remind us too much of our own insufficiencies. Teachers are human, and the children we teach may remind us of ourselves or others we struggled with. Still, we must always choose to go beyond ourselves and invest our lives in those we do not automatically mesh with—in this is the true practice of love. It is easy to love those who are kindred spirits, but not so easy to love those who bother us or whom we don’t understand. That is why Jesus calls and equips us. That’s why He chose you to serve in His ministry—to bear witness of His great love.