Excerpt from Pastoral Care Through Worship
by Howard W. Roberts

One of the most important jobs in the world for which people are the least prepared is parenting. We seem to think if people have the genes and the hormones necessary to birth a child, they have all they need to be parents. A congregation, through worship, can communicate both the importance of the parenting task, the value of children, and the necessity that the church be a safe haven for children where they will be loved, nurtured, and nourished.

The needs of parents of a newborn or of an adopted child are legion. All of them cannot be addressed in one worship service or even in a series of worship services. A worship service, however, focusing on the significance of the arrival of a child, the beginning of the parenting process, and the offering of support, encouragement, and resources of the congregation to the parents and the child convey to all involved that the church can be a significant place. This approach helps model for parishioners healthy care and sensitivity to the needs of children and their parents. Just as Jesus urged his disciples to permit the children to come to him, so we can encourage parents to bring their children to the church where joys and struggles of life can be faced and shared with the faith community.

The arrival of a child is a major intersection in life for a family, whether that be a single-parent family or a two-parent family with siblings already present. People feel vulnerable at this intersection their lives. Which way do they go? What do they need to do? How can they provide the best for their new child? What does the child need? How can they possibly have the energy necessary to cope with the demands this new person makes on them?

The intersection of the arrival of a child is a major crisis in life. In one Chinese dialect, two characters are used to form the word crisis. One character means danger, and the other means opportunity. A crisis is a dangerous opportunity. They may not have used the words, but all parents have had the frightening feeling that the birth or adoption of a child was a dangerous opportunity. A crisis also is anything that causes a person, a family, or a group of people to alter their regular, normal schedule and routine of life. If anybody can force people to alter their normal routine, the arrival of a child into a family constellation can do it. An infant can do it more quickly and with greater insistence than anyone I know.

Infants come into the world asking trust and security questions. As the church is able to help parents develop security and trust in their relationships, these basic questions will be answered positively by infants as they seek and search: (1) When I’m hungry will I be fed? (2) When I’m soiled and dirty, will I be cleaned and changed? (3) When I’m frightened will I be held and comforted, or will I be abandoned?

Parents need the support of knowing that it is natural to have a variety of feelings and attitudes about being responsible for an infant. Anticipating and preparing for the birth of a child, giving birth, and adjusting to the presence of an infant is an exhilarating, joyful, exciting, difficult, draining, straining, exasperating experience. The church through worship can help new parents negotiate this intersection by offering support and encouragement to them as they deal with the myriad of feelings that arise prior to, during, and soon after the birth of a child.

Howard W. Roberts is the author of "Pastoral Care Through Worship", published by Smyth & Helwys Publishing. To order, go to the online bookpage or call 1-800-747-3016.

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