Book Excerpt - The Goodness of Marriage

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner." . . . So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken." (Genesis 2:18, 21-23)

In this poignant story the writer of Genesis tells the story of every couple: we were made for each other! Husbands and wives on the first day of marriage often have an "aha!" experience as they begin to know and love one another more fully than ever before. Coming together in marriage is finding the missing part of one’s life.

In God’s divine wisdom, God decided that we should not live alone but in relationship. If we have lived alone until this point we know what it is to be lonely, to feel unfulfilled, to long for a mate with whom we can share our deepest feelings, grandest thoughts, and fondest desires. Now the day has come when our dreams during courtship days have at last come true.

It is sometimes said of a marriage that it was made in heaven. The marriage relationship is created by God and given to human beings. While some marriages do not last, the institution of marriage was made in heaven. In spite of drastic changes in society through the ages, marriage has persisted to this day. We enter marriage feeling that God has brought us together, that we were "made for each other," and that we intend to stay together. God has joined us! The marriage ceremony and the vows we make to one another in public express the deep love and commitment that we feel toward each other.

One myth says that man and woman were originally one creature. "It" was divided by the gods. But now, in marriage, the man and woman who correspond to one another are rejoined. As Genesis says, "they become one flesh." They become what someone has called a "we person."

In marriage we find the one who matches us, the one who loves back in response to our love, the one who cares in return for our care, and whose life complements ours in many fascinating ways. Like a ship that has just been launched and now is moving out to sea, so a couple beginning married life moves out into the unknown future with great hope, joy, and love. We now have someone with whom we can talk and share the little daily happenings as well as the deep meaning of life.

We were not made to be alone. While some people choose a single life, they usually find a few friends with whom to share their life. The church family is created by God’s spirit and in the "communion of the saints" we find love, forgiveness, and relationship, whether we are married or single. An intense relationship such as marriage needs other people with whom we can share our life and love and who can offer support and care when we need it. Jesus often speaks of the kingdom of God in terms of a marriage feast or a banquet to which we are invited as guests. This is a way of saying that we were not made to be alone but with other human beings. And as we begin the voyage of married life together, we want it to last forever.

As newlyweds, we feel that our relationship is special. And indeed it is, for each person is unique. And each marriage of two unique individuals makes a unique "we person." During courtship a man and woman may call the other "special" and may invent a special name for the other to express this. Often these names carry over into marriage and continue through the years, names such as "honey," "sweetheart," "love," etc. Couples learn a language of marriage, both verbal and nonverbal, by which they express this feeling that they are special to each other and that their marriage is special.

For this reason we give thanks to God for our marriage and for each other. As we reflect on our first meeting, on courtship with its strains and misunderstandings as well as joys and excitement, we conclude that we could not have made this relationship on our own. God brought us together. We believe that just as God worked to bring us together, God will continue to weave together the strands of our lives into a beautiful tapestry called marriage. God even takes the negatives and failures and pain and incorporates them into a masterpiece of craftsmanship. Now we may see only the "back side" of the tapestry with its knots and mingling of threads, but faith in the providence of God assures us that there is a purpose and meaning and beauty to it all.

On this first day of marriage we suddenly find ourselves alone with each other after the many gatherings with friends and family of recent days and weeks. We have looked forward to this time when we could be alone, just the two of us. And now it has arrived! We remember with joy the shared meals, the gifts received, the assurances of good wishes from friends. The intense social interaction during the recent weeks may have left us in a daze. But now there is time to relax and unwind, time to reflect on God’s gift of marriage, and time to be alone together. This is a good beginning for the long voyage ahead.